Monthly Archives: May 2012

“I blew it again!”

How many times have I said this phrase… and meant it. It seems life is full of poor choices. Whether it is being hotheaded in a relationship or entertaining secret sins, our bad choices follow us wherever we go.  As they pile up they erode our character and ability to influence others in positive ways.

So how do we overcome these bad choices?

Well, the following has helped me when I find I have failed again.

Repent 

Every bad choice is a good choice that was not made. The first thing is to acknowledge what I did was wrong and to turn away from it. That can come in asking for forgiveness from God and those that have been wronged. It can even mean forgiving yourself for the failure.

Refocus

When we have blown it the Enemy comes in and tries to take us down. That is why it is so important to refocus on who God made us and His purpose for our lives. God loves us unconditionally and accepts us the way we are. By acknowledging who we are in Christ we break the cycle of shame and guilt. In this it is important to have a people around us who we trust who can help realign our lives with the truth of scripture.

Replace

Our bad choices are motivated by deeper unmet needs in our life. Security, belonging and significance are at the core of our being. When we make bad choices we need to understand the underlying motivation and meet it with a healthy choice. For instance, If I find myself overeating I need to ask why I am choosing this. Am I feeling bored? Lonely? Insecure? I then need to seek a healthy alternative to meet this need. It may be as simple as taking a walk or listening to good music.

Redeem

The ultimate goal is to break the cycle and help others to do the same. Redeem means to buy back or realize potential. There will be consequences for our actions that we will need to face. Redemption means we pay for the loss our choice creates in whatever way we can and move forward.

As we overcome bad choices it gives us strength make better choices in the future. Our experience then gives us wisdom to help others who are facing the same temptations.

My wife and I are preparing to go on a weekend backpacking trip with Biola University college students who have varying levels of back country skills.  Their success on their trip depends highly on what they choose to bring with them.

 With backpacking everything that you need must be taken with you. That is the challenge for any distance travelled will be with all that stuff. So it becomes a balance between comfort and necessity.

In preparation for the trip the question is, “What to bring and what to leave?”  The  packing process becomes a series of trade offs. Do I take the chair with me that weighs one pound or do I sit on a rock when I camp? Will it rain? How much food will I need? What if my boots blow out? Should I bring another pair?

The same is true for leading students. In our lives there is an abundance of opportunities to fit into a limited amount of time. Every leader will have to prioritize what they do to influence others around them.

Here are two questions that help in the preparation process to being an effective leader.

What will I keep?

The good is always the enemy of the best. There are so many things that will crowd out what is most important. Determining what is essential helps us to know how to prepare. That is why I recommend developing a personal mission statement. It is a synthesis of who you are and how God intends for you to influence others.

What will I leave behind?

Before every backpacking trip we do the “pack dump.” We have every participant pull all of their items out and determine what is essential and what is not necessary. Sometimes things get packed that are not necessities. I remember one student bringing a Bible commentary and a foot and a half long flashlight with him! Another brought a metal Bible that weighed a ton!

In the same way, we sometimes put in our lives what is not important and carry that burden with us. Instead, we need to schedule what is important first and then see what else fits.

Preparing for your journey

As you look to mentor students for the journey of life it is so important to have others taking the journey with you. That is why I advocate joining a ministry network of like minded people in your area. If you are a youth worker and not connected into a network. I  recommend going to www.youthworkers.net/networks to find a ministry network close to you.

The most important step in leadership is winning the victory over oneself. Here are some guides to help in personal leadership.

• Refocus Daily. A leader is transformed by solitude. The voice of God speaks loudest when it is the only voice heard.  Take time daily to focus on identity and purpose.
• Manage Energy. Time management is not effective unless one manages their energy. By acting on priorities and overcoming power drains goals are effectively accomplished.  The question is “What are the most important things I can do today to accomplish my mission?
• Set Goals. Goals are unrealized dreams with deadlines and action steps. Dream big. Plan small. Ask yourself the question, “What steps can I take today to accomplish my goals?”
• Clarify No’s.  In understanding our identity we must also look at who we are not. Many people would script us by their values. A leader chooses to not do certain activities because they do not line up with their mission in life.
• Celebrate Successes. The small victories lead to greater accomplishments. Celebrate every step.
• Embrace Criticism. The critique of others can help us to grow in ways we do not see for ourselves. The art is to assess the critique to become better and not bitter.
• Examine Emotions. Emotions are powerful and can sometimes blind us to the facts. In emotional situations reexamine the facts to see if they line up with reality. HALT on big decisions. Refrain from making big decisions when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.

Here is a partial list of lessons I have learned the hard way or have gleaned from other people’s experiences.

• When possible choose your climbing partners wisely. Your life may depend on it!
• Work together.
• Be prepared to lead through weakness.
• Utilize the talents of your team.
• Listen to the conservative vote.
• Prepare well for all situations.
• Listen to experience.
• Leave yourself options.
• Realize the value of life.
• Set your goals high and break them down into small pieces.
• Always do a pack dump – release what can you do without.
• Seek the higher road.

Here is a compilation of quotes to inspire you on your journey to influence others.

• “We should only do those things we are passionate about.” Jim Collins, Good to Great, page 109.
• “What can you be best in the world at?” Jim Collins, Good to Great, page 95.
• George Barna defines leadership as “the process of motivating, mobilizing, resourcing, and directing people to passionately and strategically pursue a vision from God that a group jointly embraces.” (A Fish Out of Water)
• “Never let fear of striking out get in your way.” -Babe Ruth
• “Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.”-Robert Kennedy
• “It’s undeniable: the new covenant, accomplished through the work of Christ, means that we have new hearts. Our hearts are good. Or God’s a liar. …Jesus himself teaches that the heart can be good and even noble. That somebody is you, if you are his. God kept his promise. Our hearts have been circumcised to God. We have new hearts. Do you know what this means? Your heart is good. Let that sink in for a moment. Your heart is good. What would happen if you believed it, if you came to the place where you knew it was true? Your life would never be the same. My friend Lynn got it, and that’s when she exclaimed, “If we believed that . . . we could do anything. We would follow him anywhere!” ” – John Eldredge (Waking the Dead , 69–70)
• “I’ve learned that the great challenge of life is to decide what’s important and to disregard everything else.”
  -Anonymous
• “But we need to nurture relationships in order to achieve our goals.” Keith Ferrazzi
• “Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to die. “He that will lose his life, the same shall save it” is not a piece of mysticism for saints and heroes. It is a piece of everyday advice for sailors or mountaineers. It might be printed in an Alpine guide or a drill book. The paradox is the whole principle of courage; even of quite earthly or quite brutal courage. A man cut off by the sea may save his life if he will risk it on the precipice. He can only get away from death by continually stepping within an inch of it. A soldier surrounded by enemies, if he is to cut his way out, needs to combine a strong desire for living with a strange carelessness about dying. He must not merely cling to life, for then he will be a coward, and will not escape. He must not merely wait for death, for then he will be a suicide, and will not escape. He must seek his life in a spirit of furious indifference to it; he must desire life like water and yet drink death like wine.” – John Eldredge (Wild at Heart , 169)